Working on the Halloween costume while weighing the merits of staying true to character against the likelihood of getting fired.
At this rate, Breaking Bad may very well surpass The Wire for Best TV Show of All Time™
“Product Engineering is Step Two of the Underpants Gnomes Algorithm” -@bmf #strangeloop
“There is nothing new in computer science. We just keep re-discovering the same things in slightly different ways.” Erik Meijer #strangeloop
The Zeitgeist Movement Orientation Presentation - most enlightening video I’ve seen in a long time. http://t.co/k5KTlcw
Supporting stricter gun control to decrease crime is like trying to reduce drunk driving by making it harder for sober people to own cars.
Scientific truth is a function of time and its lifespan is decreasing as the rate of scientific advancement quickens. http://goo.gl/QqWKZ
They need to hurry up and make Forrest Gump 2: Gump Harder. It will feature Forrest Gump Junior who ends up averting the 2012 apocalypse.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s overkill to have this many mags full of hollowpoints. Then I remember what happened at Raccoon City. #beprepared
this is what your government does to heroic men with heavy consciences http://goo.gl/SvUxM
Shooting a gun is like being intimate with a woman. First you inspect it to ensure it’s clean. Then, grab it by the butt and jam the mag in.
failing the hot wing torture challenge at Chai’s Noodle Bar & Bistro with @mikestable & @tehsilverdollar http://yfrog.com/jlq2vnj
When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag, holding a cross, sitting in a lawn chair, and eating a KFC Double Down.
watching mad men, bourbon in hand. it helps to bring out the flavor.
reviews deep fried pecan pie http://bit.ly/9bWfMF (via @carolinewv)
can truly relate to Don Draper, minus the secretary banging… I don’t have a secretary.
the party accused of doing too little to combat the recession is poised to suffer heavy defeats by the party accused of doing nothing at all
is ecstatic that facebook is willing to help me find all the friends i lost over the years. because, you know, i didn’t MEAN to lose them.
if you need to completely corrupt an object in PHP, I highly recommend serializing and then unserializing it
happy 9/11, everyone! don’t forget to burn a copy of the patriot act today!
never forget that your body is a temple. for example, mine is a heavily shelled Gaza mosque.
you can’t have a conscience in the pimp game
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
Durhamites: always defend Durham when people say that it is dangerous. (Also, always defend yourself - Durham is dangerous.)
if you’re excited about Google’s new Priority Inbox… you’ve been doing it wrong
never forget that you are a teeny speck. a teeny speck floating in the middle of a maelstrom of death without a paddle. http://bit.ly/apnrN0
the best things in life are free if you steal them
west virginia: where the scenery is beautiful and the IQs are room temperature
after stepping out of the plane at 10,000 feet I engaged in a fierce struggle with gravity, which edged out a narrow victory
I’d make a “this is why we can’t have nice things” post, but it would involve blood and gore. suffice to say I just got a tetanus shot.
the internet: i read it for the articles
Never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.
Great design does not come from great processes; it comes from great designers.
Want to know why divorce rates are so high? Women marry men with the hopes of changing them. Men get married hoping things remain the same.
nothing is any good if other people like it
why liberals should love the second amendment: http://bit.ly/b9IRNW
It has been calculated that since the birth of our nation more lives have been lost celebrating our independence than in fighting to win it.
you have to be able to laugh at yourself when you fuck up. that’s why i integrated our dev environment with FailBlog via the CheezBurger API
don’t you miss the good old days when you could push someone into a pool without fear of destroying a thousand dollars worth of electronics?
“Sometimes me think what is love? Then me think love is what last cookie is for. Me give up the last cookie for you.”
life begins at arousal
The first rule of code reuse is that the code needs to be worth re-using.
the check engine light (or CEL to gearheads) can be a finicky bitch, and in many cases is best left alone to die of attention deprivation
why do gearheads rarely talk about horsepower-to-weight? example: my 300 HP car produces 184 HP / ton but my 128 HP bike has 645 HP / ton!
an empty inbox is a happy inbox
a kiss is not a contract
THIS is how you drive a WRX STi: http://www.youtube.com/w…
when you ask me to fit a square peg into a round hole don’t be surprised when the peg comes back with the corners sheared off
sometimes you’ve got to let your finger do the walking and your bullets do the talking
the average american programmer writes an average of 10 lines of code per day with an average IQ of 105 on an average salary of $73,470
when you say “just grep the codebase” i hear “we don’t need no stinkin’ documentation!”
i have been working on this tweet for hours. this is the final result.
daylight savings time: inconvenience for the general populace, bane to software developers.
I think I’ll stay in tonight. I’ve been meaning to spend some quality time with your mom.
the only difference between a bug and a feature is documentation
Jesus’ birth was a result of doing it for the lulz, as God thought it funny to fuck with the Jews whilst getting away with raping a virgin.
hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side.
traditional rappelling teaches you to hold the rope with both hands, which is inconvenient if you’re being shot at
You awake as a hamburger‽ You begin to scream, only to have special sauce fly from your lips‽ You view the world in sepia‽
You can lose a lot of money by chasing women. You can’t lose a lot of women by chasing money.
“The Constitution is grounded in the premise that there are other values and priorities more important than mere Safety.”
- Glenn Greenwald
primer (#1 mindfuck time travel movie) timeline breakdown - it all makes sense now! http://idek.net/tKJ
swallow my words; taste my thoughts /
and if it’s too nasty: spit ‘em back at me
“If I had asked my customers what they wanted, they would have said a faster horse.” - Henry Ford
Debugging is twice as hard as writing new code. Thus, if you write code as cleverly as possible, you are not smart enough to debug it.
does the heisenberg uncertainty principle apply to stracing processes? signs point to yes.
oh borderlands trailer, you had me at “87 bazallion guns”
congrats to my USPS route worker for managing to stuff a box into my mailbox that was larger than the mailbox itself
I Told You So has a brother; his name is Shut The Hell Up
be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm
when you say “it failed because people behaved other than expected” i hear “i fancy myself a behavioral psychologist”
my conservative estimate (based on $3B annual revenue) is that chick-fil-a loses out on $430M in annual revenue by being closed every sunday
the war for the future will be fought in the past
encounter a merchant that charges extra for using a credit card? refuse & remind them it’s against their contract with the card company.
The girl I’m dating is a porn star! Too bad she’s going to be so pissed off when she finds out.
“I see you favor a .45”
“Tonight I do; I keeps one in the chamber in case you’re wondering. At this range even if I miss, I can’t miss.”
i think my dog is racist
44% of citizens believe only LE should be able to carry firearms. 92% of LE officers believe citizens should be able to carry firearms.
it’s good scotch if a mere whiff is like rolling out the red carpet for a sledgehammer to run up inside your skull and commence b-boying
The whole notion of transwarp beaming is like trying to hit a bullet with a smaller bullet whilst wearing a blindfold, riding a horse.
The significant problems that we are facing today cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
incomprehensible magic:
find . -name ‘.svn’ -prune -o -type f -print0 | xargs -0 sed -i -e :a -e ‘/^\n*$/{$d;N;};/\n$/ba’
what happens in the holodeck, stays in the holodeck
I have no problem with Jesus / Mohammed / Xenu. Historically speaking, they sound like swell guys. It’s their fan clubs that I don’t like.
i don’t trust those single nozzle gas pumps. i bet they went for simplicity and thus when i buy premium i get a hose length of regular first
have gun & horseless horse, will travel
I believe this twitter fad is another step toward a collective consciousness - imagine a not-so-distant future with twitter-like telepathy
best analysis of terminator timelines (includes tv show) - recall in the show Derek Reese meets his GF from a diff line http://idek.net/D1G
a noble spirit embiggens the smallest man
In the beginning the universe was created. This made a lot of people ANGRY and has widely been considered as a bad move.
I’ve got one bullet and it’s got your email address on it. Don’t make me hit send.
your call will be ignored in the order it was received