Jeremy_DeGroot @lopp Build a man a fire, he’ll be warm for a night. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Give a fish a man and he’ll eat for a year.
@emilepetrone I prefer “No Love” myself.
@Jeremy_DeGroot @killerspaz You don’t tell a joke by starting with the punchline.
RT @God_Damn_Batman: The secret to curing a “case of the Mondays†is choking out the person who said you have a “case of the Mondays.â€
Just broke 1,000 mashups in my personal library. I think this qualifies as an addiction.
The best things in life are either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.
I put the “ass” in “classy.” Submitting my application today to become a Club Room Member at @whiskeydurham
DEVOPS_BORAT Infinite scalability is always give you 50% less than what you are expect.
Day 1 of my experimentation with nootropics. Starting with a cocktail of Caffeine, L-Theanine, and Creatine Ethyl Ester. For science!
If your dog would lose a fight to a cat, you’re doing it wrong.
Why do bad things happen to good people? Generally, because they’re dumbasses.
It would appear that I do my best work before 8 AM.
The Steve Jobs of the world don’t write how-to guides. They write biographies. Read them.
Instead of “scaring women off,” I prefer to think of my methods as “early stage filtering” that save me the time & money of a pointless date
Life is too short for inferior bacon.
DEVOPS_BORAT Optimist is devops who is ignore first 2 Nagios alert.
@pmccall777 it’s on the Internet, yo
@ddahlke @jefft If an AWS console crashes in the cloud and no one is logged into it, did it really crash?
Everyone should know the facts of life. Once a month, Chuck Norris visits all the women of the world. They spend the next week recovering.
Fantasy <insert sport> is simply Dungeons & Dragons for jocks.
If you’re smarter than everyone around you, you’re doing it wrong.
Is crowdsourcing no longer the hot shit? I’m contemplating crowdsourcing my bucket list.
DangGoodDogs Our hot dogs are DTF!!! Down To Fry that is! come on down and try our new deep fried dang dog! 2926 Guess Road! 11-2ish.
ncpolicelogs Calm down, UNC & NCSU fans… the Chapel Hill sign defacement was a hoax. http://t.co/25kJ01Sa
“Online Privacy” is an oxymoron. Fundamental infrastructure of the Internet was engineered to make it impossible to stem the flow of data.
Cheat the system. Don’t cheat the people IN the system.
If you can’t complete a single pull-up, you won’t survive long at all if shit hits the fan.
@pmccall777 that must be why she tried to get all elections postponed for 2 years
$NFLX stock is up 24% today :-) Take that, $AAPL
Coach Sylvia Hatchell has imposed an outright ban on UNC women’s basketball team’s use of Twitter. http://t.co/8c1Ukeu0
I rarely talk about advertising / marketing because most marketing campaigns are laughable, but Papa John’s nailed it: http://t.co/27PTbI78
@ericboggs unless… you’re using the analysis to predict the stock market :-P
claytoncubitt Son, if a girl describes herself as “quirky” online that means she’s stone-cold crazy in person.
ncpolicelogs Convicted murderer to citizens of NC: “Kill me if you can, suckers!” http://t.co/Uo07daLJ
The applause for Obama’s plea to raise taxes on the richest 2% had to be the weakest during the entire State of the Union. I wonder why? ಠ_à²
The number of women who make their online dating username end in “saurus” is ABNORMALLY high.
gigq Pirate Bay adds a “Physibiles” 3D printing section, someone posts an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle for download https://t.co/YlqHBWTh
@sweetlydrifting ahhhhhhhh new stylesheets eh? You should have set the TTLs lower on the files.
@sweetlydrifting LOLOL what did you doooooooooo.
@michaelbrooks One. Two means you’re a crotchety old former typewriter user.
That awkward moment when you have to figure out how to convert a BigDecimal to a Long… without losing precision.
brikis98 The average tech salary in Silicon Valley cracks $100k. The talent war is on. http://t.co/zuko4vYh
The only thing worse than getting paged at 4 AM when you’re on call is getting paged at 4 AM… by a spammer. FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU
The fundamental problem with PEBKACs is that you can’t fix stupid.
@ameir “Politics” http://t.co/DKzTpbvb
Clarknt67 NOT A JOKE: #Santorum launches C.U.M.: Conservatives Unite Moneybomb. #LGBT #Frothy cc: @aravosis @MSignorile http://t.co/kuLdWEGQ
@pmccall777 just like people will remember Michael Jackson for his music?
Paterno’s legacy is his scandal because there is no number of wins in any sport can offset covering up child molestation.
RonPaul My son @SenRandPaul being detained by TSA for refusing full body pat-down after anomaly in body scanner in Nashville. More details coming.
You’ll never truly appreciate good coffee until you drink it black.
The concept of “gamification” is an oxymoron - all of life’s a game.
Existential Nihilism is a logical by-product of gaining a better understanding of astrophysics. /cc @neiltyson
@flyosity one is an overly friendly personal servant whilst the other wants to secretly kill you?
@knucklesandwich @jefft Holler if you need lube
There is no more appropriate way to protest issues of online freedom than DDoS.
Senator @kayhagan’s statement on the PROTECT IP Act is as comforting to me as Obama’s signing statement on the NDAA. http://t.co/RWZ3Arrb
@seanmcnichol It has a ton of features, just a bit of a learning curve. Photoshop is the most full-featured, but $500 vs $0? Easy decision.
@seanmcnichol yeah I can use that shit; hope you’re not expecting me to train you over twitter though… it’s not incredibly user-friendly.
@seanmcnichol of course! BRING OUT THE GIMP!
@mattgemmell @gigq I guess you could say justice is… “being served.”
neiltyson In 5-billion yrs the Sun will expand & engulf our orbit as the charred ember that was once Earth vaporizes. Have a nice day.
No, my new bald spot was not a barber shop accident - it’s simply where the doctor dug the cancer out of my head today.
@jefft @pmccall777 Good luck; they sold out of Hopslam in 2 hours.
“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” http://t.co/dOSEhjhO
You’ll make better decisions when you stop fearing pain; all pain is temporary.
That awkward moment in the middle of the night when you realize that you just farted yourself awake.
Online dating is simply a subset of online marketing. There are plenty of fools who spray and pray, but theirs is a wasted effort.
RT @RealityMonster: (╯°□°）╯︵ ∀ԀOS
That awkward moment when you’re standing at a urinal and a complete stranger tries to start a conversation with you.
ddahlke yay, I got an offer on my house. Lol that they’ve written it such that they get my microwave. I don’t have one.
Best. Google. Doodle. Ever. http://t.co/s81TQOoo
No love lost, no love found.
That awkward moment at a software meetup when the person you’re talking to blurts “how much do I have to pay you to come work for me?”
The list of major sites going dark tomorrow to protest SOPA and PIPA just keeps growing; hope this pushes awareness over the tipping point.
@republicwrless This probably takes the cake: http://t.co/41GoDlpa
ReidGower One of the most undervalued strengths of the internet is the ability to organize for protest. Social media shall soon redefine democracy.
jimmy_wales I am just starting to do press interviews about the upcoming blackout of Wikipedia to protest #sopa and #pipa (“Protect IP”).
“Piracy is brilliant. Music should be shared. If music is free, then there is no business, there is just music.” - Joss Stone
@DurhamYMCA aha; I highly recommend that you list that as an option on the form letter that gets mailed out for declined payments…
WTF @durhamymca - my autodraft declined b/c my CC info changed and instead of telling me how to update my info, I have to send you CASH?
If Tim Tebow truly is accepting aid from a supernatural being, he is cheating on a greater scale than any steroid user & should be punished.
Today at the gun & knife show I learned that the NC Citizens Militia [REDACTED]
The problem with women is me.
I was going to post photos of the awesome stuff at the gun & knife show, but photography was prohibited…
@ddahlke thanks for leaving multiple dirty cups and forks on your desk when you left for a week vacation. That is, the fruit flies thank you
Someone told me I have a problem with authority. Who do they think they are, the authority on all things Jameson?
@sweetlydrifting Fruit fly drowned in my coffee this morning. Second time this week.
pmccall777 @lopp well, they had to build it tall and wide enough to hide the prison from the highway…
The size of the new “Justice Center” in Durham, NC is a monument to the problems inherent in our bloated legal system.
@pmccall777 quite.
“Tolerance of intolerance is cowardice.” - Ayaan Hirsi Ali
ncpolicelogs Santa arrested on child sex charges in Apex: http://t.co/YfNTUiJW
Sometimes I wonder if people who “like” their own status updates on Facebook are the type who masturbate while looking in a mirror.
@ameir @pmccall777 stop being so poor and it’ll make more sense
@sweetlydrifting Ha; when you’re in an agile environment you get to do it n times
As a kid, my parents said “you won’t get far in life by playing on the computer all day.” Been laughing all the way to the bank ever since.
emilepetrone If Google went dark to protest SOPA, that would end this debate in about 10 minutes #SOPA
ncpolicelogs An Alamance County Police Officer found his stolen motorcycle while conducting a routine traffic stop. http://t.co/qpTNo4rU
I’m normally really good at brushing off name-calling, but if you call me a racist, you had better offer some fucking proof.
The problem with the current state of matchmaking science is that it assumes people know what they need in a mate. /cc @okcupid
neiltyson I love the smell of the universe in the morning.
almightygod I apologize to the African children who starved while I was bailing Tebow out yesterday. Er, uh, welcome to Heaven!
Holy crap, The Simpsons turned their social & political commentary up to 11 with their last episode, “Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson”
@pmccall777 Prosecutor offered to lower Willie Nelson’s fine for a serenade? What a fucking farce of a justice system.
flyosity It’s so cute when mobile carriers think of themselves as more than just a dumb pipe.
“We cannot expect people to have respect for law and order until we teach respect to those entrusted to enforce the laws.” Hunter S Thompson
@sweetlydrifting oooo if I honked at someone and they got out and approached me, I’d have one hand on my gun…
reason Steve Chapman on @RickSantorum’s Moral Delusions http://t.co/eXQMJA2I
@hoorayimhelping indeed
You know what’s in poor taste? Placing empty bottles of malt liquor at the memorial site where your friend died by crashing into a pole.
Trolling is so 2011.
@hoorayimhelping @ddahlke … then he took an arrow to the knee.
ddahlke @knucklesandwich I had 812 txt messages last month and only 4 were from girls. #devops
@emilepetrone where’s the meatalope?
SethMacFarlane Rick Santorum’s stance on homosexuality is so fucking gay.
@emilepetrone I could see a very interesting debate surrounding that assertion. I could argue it either way.
neiltyson The full Moon of tomorrow, and the gibbous Moon of this night, will grace our skies, dusk to dawn, in soft, majestic light.
Everybody’s sellin’ dreams; I’m too cheap to buy one.
@rands assuming he was sampling the firehose and not trying to filter out spam, I’d guess ~30 chars is avg for link spam (username + URL)
@knucklesandwich I feel bad for you, son.
danharmon Drank 5 hour energy. Then 2 sudafed. Forgetting I’d taken them, had a vodka rocks. Just saw Ben Franklin in the kitchen. He says aisisjd
@carpedurham holy mother of god, MY EARS
@flyosity I forsee Santorum’s response: “It’s not rape if the woman’s vagina is open.”
@Jeremy_DeGroot @ameir AWESOME.
@flyosity OH SHIT THAT GUY WANTS TO TAKE AWAY MY PORN.
Scumbag @twcable sends a letter saying update my billing info, representatives are available 24/7! Call phone # and they’re only open 8-5.
If I could hang animated gifs on my wall, I’d finally be able to achieve the perfect bachelor pad.
wired Is an encrypted laptop protected under the 5th Amendment? The Feds say “No.” Terrific. http://t.co/AYBotlyy
@ameir meh, I can’t believe Gmail hasn’t built a disk space mgmt utility. I’m 77% full and can’t easily delete emails with large attachments
@Jeremy_DeGroot used forms to auto-send complaints to all involved months ago
nkohari Just found out that NC senator Kay Hagan (@SenatorHagan) is sponsoring #SOPA. In related news, I found a new politician not to vote for.
@mark_a_phelps Yeah, any idiot knows that you swish TO THE PAIN.
@covati @ericboggs Relevant: http://t.co/jZwIdIJj
wral House overrides NCAE bill veto in unprecedented midnight session http://t.co/0JryMGAu
How do YOU feel when you see a panhandler talking on their mobile phone?
@ericboggs @covati Is perhaps a disconnect that sales are more likely to get fired for missing quotas than coders are for missing deadlines?
@ericboggs @covati In a commission-less dev environment, programmers have project deadlines with intense pressure to meet them :-P
@ericboggs @covati Why not pay everyone a salary but then initiate sharing of excess profits to incentivize EVERYONE to work harder?
@jefft the red squiggly lines were driving me nuts
Nothing screams “megalomania” quite like claiming that the creator of the universe cares about your political career.
TuckerMax Why do people think Im a Duke fan? I hated Duke, it sucked. The only good thing about Duke is that its 15 minutes from Chapel Hill.
covati Why do we pay sales commissions? http://t.co/2qynGrmJ interesting thoughts from the guys at Fog Creek
Today I learned that you are banned for life from obtaining a NC concealed carry permit if you’re ever convicted of http://t.co/73oRAxSD
shitmydadsays “These candidates are dog shit. All we’re doing is picking out the dick that’s going to fuck us.”
DEVOPS_BORAT Highest quality of software is one which is never ship.
@sweetlydrifting You have no idea :-)
@sweetlydrifting bronto is hiring and our codebase is so fresh & so clean :-P
@sweetlydrifting spaghetti code?
@dcm nevertheless, I’m really rooting for Ron Paul to give the GOP its comeuppance
@lesliejenna I came expecting to see something about political activism and was not disappointed.
Today I added the “Hammer Punch” to my hand-to-hand combat arsenal. Can’t wait to toughen up these bloodied, delicate programmer hands.
julien My New Year’s resolution is to punch every social media expert I see
The only presidential candidate who seems to give a damn about our civil liberties is Ron Paul. Can’t wait to hear from Americans Elect.